Here’s my picks for Round 1:
Cowboys over Broncos.
Bulldogs over Knights
Eels over Dragons.
Panthers over Raiders.
Rabbitohs over Roosters.
Storms over Sharks.
Titans over Warriors.
Tigers over Sea Eagles.

Yep, not exactly controversial choices (except for my Cowboys over Broncos which is decent value for the punters out there). Let’s see how we go!

I plan to write in a little more detail about the 2010 NRL Season, which kicks off tonight (Finally!), but like most of my well-laid plans they will probably go awry. In the meantime, here’s my brief thoughts about each of the teams and where I envision them ending up on the ladder, from worst to first:

16. New Zealand Warriors
In summarising their weaknesses in his season preview, Phil Gould wrote: “When you have no strengths the weaknesses are obvious.” Ouch. I think it’s going to be a difficult year for the very young squad from across the pond.

15. Canberra Raiders
Despite the skills of their workhorse on field leader Alan Tongue and some talented up-and-comers, particularly fullback Josh Dugan, I think the Raiders will again have trouble away from Canberra Stadium. They need to make consistency a focus week to week to have any chance at threatening the top eight.

14. Newcastle Knights
Too much drama in the build up to this season, plus the loss of leader and team MVP Kurt Gidley will definitely hurt the Knights out of the gate. I thought they were lucky to sneak into the 8 last season, based on their overall talent, and I think this year will vindicate that belief. Not a lot of off-season activity (excluding losing players to criminal charges), and I think that will definitely reflect on their depth as the season rolls on. I love the team pride of the Knights players, but pride can’t always make up for the shortfall in talent.

13. Sydney Roosters
A rebuilding year. They need the majority to stay healthy to make 13th as I’ve predicted. Some talented players, but cohesion as a team will take a lot of work. I think Brian Smith was a great choice for the club in this respect, and the work he has done so far has already set a better course for an organisation that was once a feared opponent on the calendar. If he can stay healthy I can see a big season for Waerea-Hargreaves.

12. Cronulla Sharks
Last season was a train wreck into a chasm of bubbling lava from a recently exploded volcano. I think we’ll see more improvement this year, but finding the right fit for all the new pieces will probably be a season-long process. By all reports Albert Kelly shows a lot of the attacking flair of his cousin Greg Inglis. The first thing the Sharks need is a winning attitude, on the field and in the front office.
I think Ricky Stuart will be the coach under the most pressure to have his team show improvement this year.

11. Brisbane Broncos
Could it really happen? Could the Broncos miss out on the Finals for the first time since 1991? Seriously?
Someone please slap me, I’m so giddy at the prospect.
Though Darren Lockyer, Israel Folau, Justin Hodges, and to a lesser extent, Peter Wallace are all quality players, the squad as a whole is the weakest we’ve seen from the Broncs in years. And the Lockyer of 2010 is not the Lockyer of 2005, who may have glossed over some of these weaknesses with his amazing talent.
I have a feeling I am not taking into account the strength of the Broncos home stadium and crowd, but I am certain we will see them slip a little on their 2009 form. And hopefully a lot.

10. Manly Sea Eagles
Maybe another case of wishful thinking over defensible prediction, but unless the new halves combo of Kieran Foran and Trent Hodkinson immediately excel, I think Manly will struggle. They’ve had a lot of departures from last season’s team that was in itself fairly disappointing after the 2008 Premiership. I think Brett Stewart will have a lot to prove, and Anthony Watmough is always fun to watch, but I also feel the squad as a whole has taken another step backward, especially in terms of offense and playmaking.

9. North Queensland Cowboys
I’m probably in the minority, but I think Mason was a quality addition to the Cowboys this season. He’s not totally washed up, and will have a lot to prove to those who named him the NRL’s most overrated player, but I still can’t see him turning the tide on the Cowboys drift into the middle of the pack.
Any squad with Johnathan Thurston is going to be dangerous in attack, but too often last season lacklustre defence let the opposition steal games from them. Their a decent chance at stealing the 8th spot from Penrith, but I can’t see them performing any better than that. And if Thurston continues to the media circus about his future plans, the result only hurts the team as a whole.

8. Penrith Panthers
I’m picking the boys at the bottom of the mountain to surprise doubters for the second year in a row and sneak into finals in the eighth spot. As long as injuries don’t hamper Petero Civoniceva as much as they did last season, look to him to provide solid leadership for some very talented young players. In my opinion their acquisitions of Daine Laurie and Kevin Kingston are strong additions to a squad that was already talented but perhaps not as mentally strong as required for Finals footy. Expecting a huge year from Michael Jennings who should be challenging for try scoring leader this season with his speed and skills.

7. South Sydney Rabbitohs
“Big Forward Pack! Big Forward Pack!”
Every piece of pre-season lit I read on the Rabbitohs can’t help but scream those three words, and I’m not arguing that the big men are not going to be formidable. I think the more important factor in South Sydney cracking the Top 8 will be the possible emergence of Chris Sandow and John Sutton as blue chip halves. Sutton had moments of brilliance last season. Provided these two can play more consistently, and their backs can capitalise on the work of the Big Forward Pack!, I see them making a foray into finals footy. Which would be great for Bunnies fans.

6. Gold Coast Titans
When they are at their best they tend to embody the speed and creativity of their magnificent playmaker Scott Prince. But they are generally pretty small and their wings don’t really strike fear into the heart of their opponents. I see them making a run at the finals again, but still don’t think they have enough pieces to go deep.

5. St George-Illawarra Dragons
After the disappointment of last season’s finals I feel the swagger that the Dragons carried last season has dissipated a little. I think the loss of a few of the departing players will be felt, particularly Justin Poore (a big thanks from an Eels fan!)
They will be strong defensively, and I think Jamie Soward will have a great year, but I can’t see them repeating the in-season brilliance of last year. But maybe their meek exit from the Finals will be incentive for them to take this year’s Finals by the scruff of the neck.

4. Canterbury Bulldogs
Consistently good last season in attack and defence. Mentally a very tough squad. Some nice acquisitions during the off season (Steve Turner, Mickey Paea, Corey Payne).
I still think their biggest hurdle is getting Brett Kimmorley, one of the league’s most solid halfbacks, to rise to the occasion in big games. As an Eels fan one thing I counted on going into last year’s brilliant semi-final match between the Eels and Doggies was an unshakeable belief that Kimmorley would be outplayed by our halves. And he was.
Still a fearsome squad this season and an organisation that has dramatically and admirably turned around its fortunes.

3. Wests Tigers
Another year of missing out on the Finals is a lot of incentive for a collection of very good players to work on some of the kinks in their play. They had a great if unsatisfactory end to 2009, and I think if Benji Marshall and Robbie Farrah can stay healthy, and the wings are as dangerous as expected, a top 4 finish is not hard to see. Their biggest challenge will be finishing the year with W’s, with the Eels, Storm and Titans in 3 of the final 4 weeks of the season.

2. Melbourne Storm
I would not be surprised if the Storm end up stealing the #1 slot from the Eels, but I think they have a few more chinks in the armour this year. And surely some of the opposition coaches will start to figure out ways to exploit their weaknesses this season.
Todd Lowrie is a nice addition to their squad; always liked his work with the Eels.
The combo of Smith / Slater / Inglis on any team would be enough to keep me sweating.

1. Parramatta Eels
I really didn’t want to add any more pressure than the already sizeable weight of media and fan expectations on this season for my beloved Blue and Gold, but I can’t ignore the depth of the squad and the mental fortitude gained from their resilient end of season run last year. With the taste of Grand Final footy still fresh in the mouths of most of the Parra squad, I can’t see them starting the season as sloppily as they did last year.
I also expect a great year from Daniel Mortimer, who by all reports has trained hard in the offseason and will be bringing in a valuable years worth of experience to his role of guiding the team on field. Hayne should be brilliant again, and Cayless and Hindmarsh will certainly be fired up as this is the best chance they have ever had at closing in on that elusive premiership.

Call me a homer, but I can’t wait to see how the Eels handle the expectations of what could be their best season ever.

Enjoy the games, enjoy the season!

Greeting. Statement of fawning praise of video creator’s. Expression of envy over genesis of idea. Recommendation to investigate.

Loved this collection of honest movie posters for the 2010 Best Picture race at Collegehumor.com. This one’s my personal favourite. Click HERE to see the rest.

Listed below, each of the categories, who I think deserves to win and who I think will win. Feel free to post your predictions in the comments (in the 13 hours you will have before the Oscars telecast starts).

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
George Clooney in “Up in the Air”
Colin Firth in “A Single Man”
Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”
Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”

Personal Pick:
Haven’t seen Bridges yet, and firmly think he is in the “career achievement award” zone where they award you an Oscar for your whole resume. Out of the performances I have seen, Jeremy Renner was my favourite as the dedicated yet possibly insane bomb disposal expert.
Who Will Win:
Jeff Bridges, for the aforementioned reasons.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Matt Damon in “Invictus”
Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”
Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station”
Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones”
Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds”

Personal Pick:
Christoph Waltz for embodying one of the most despicable, piteous and memorable villains of recent memory.
Who Will Win:
Waltz should take this out in a category that doesn’t have much competition.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”
Carey Mulligan in “An Education”
Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”

Personal Pick:
Yikes. Haven’t seen a single nominee in this category. That’s pathetic.
Who Will Win:
Sandra Bullock, in another classic case of the Oscars rewarding a subpar performance from a onscreen darling.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Penélope Cruz in “Nine”
Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”
Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”
Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air”
Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”

Personal Pick:
Vera Farmiga. Loved her portrayal of Alex in ‘Up In The Air’, a perfect female counterpoint to Clooney.
Who Will Win:
Mo’Nique. She’s cleaned up most of the pre-Oscar awards, and she also qualifies as the underdog choice, given her minimal resume.

Best animated feature film of the year
“Coraline”
“Fantastic Mr. Fox”
“The Princess and the Frog”
“The Secret of Kells”
“Up”

Personal Pick:
“Up”. Again, lack of knowledge of the other nominees makes my opinion pretty limited.
Who Will Win:
“Up”. Pixar FTW.

Achievement in art direction
“Avatar”
“The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus”
“Nine”
“Sherlock Holmes”
“The Young Victoria”

Personal Pick:
“Avatar”. The others are all strong competition but I think “Avatar” will clean up in as many technical categories as possible to make up for it losing out on the big award.
Who Will Win:
See above.

Achievement in cinematography
“Avatar” – Mauro Fiore
“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” – Bruno Delbonnel
“The Hurt Locker” – Barry Ackroyd
“Inglourious Basterds” – Robert Richardson
“The White Ribbon” – Christian Berger

Personal Pick:
I thought Barry Ackroyd’s work in the “The Hurt Locker” was brilliant. Shooting a cinematic film like a documentary to put you in the moment was a masterfully effective choice.
Who Will Win:
I think “Avatar” takes this one for the technical achievement of pioneering the 3D camera process on a big Hollywood film.

Achievement in costume design
“Bright Star” – Janet Patterson
“Coco before Chanel” – Catherine Leterrier
“The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” – Monique Prudhomme
“Nine” – Colleen Atwood
“The Young Victoria” – Sandy Powell

Personal Pick:
Another one where I’m clueless…. so I’m picking “Bright Star” because I’m sure Abbie Cornish makes any wardrobe 10x better.
Who Will Win:
“Bright Star”. Because I said so.

Achievement in directing
“Avatar” – James Cameron
“The Hurt Locker” – Kathryn Bigelow
“Inglourious Basterds” – Quentin Tarantino
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” – Lee Daniels
“Up in the Air” – Jason Reitman

Personal Pick:
Kathryn Bigelow. “The Hurt Locker” resonated the most for me, and I think it was mostly due to Bigelow’s creative choices to put you in the moment with the character’s of the film. “Avatar” was an amazing technical achievement but felt hollow in comparison.
Who Will Win:
Bigelow. The Academy has been itching to award it to a woman who deserved it, and Bigelow is the perfect candidate.

Best documentary feature
“Burma VJ”
“The Cove”
“Food, Inc.”
“The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers”
“Which Way Home”

Personal Pick:
“The Cove”. Only because it has got the most print and the slaughter of dolphins is something that deserved serious scrutiny.
Who Will Win:
“The Cove”. Because I said so.

Best documentary short subject
“China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province”
“The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner”
“The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant”
“Music by Prudence”
“Rabbit à la Berlin”

Personal Pick:
“The Last Truck” sounds like a pretty apt choice considering the economic and social climate of the U.S.A. at the moment.
Who Will Win:
“The Last Truck”. Because I said so.

Achievement in film editing
“Avatar” – Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron
“District 9″ – Julian Clarke
“The Hurt Locker” – Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
“Inglourious Basterds” – Sally Menke
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” – Joe Klotz

Personal Pick:
“The Hurt Locker”. The perfect pacing of the scenes and the chest-squeezing drama built from simple moments all sprang from immaculate choices in the editing room.

Who Will Win:
“The Hurt Locker”. The Academy will definitely give a few technical nods the “Locker” way.

Best foreign language film of the year
“Ajami”
“El Secreto de Sus Ojos”
“The Milk of Sorrow”
“Un Prophète”
“The White Ribbon”

Personal Pick:
Seen none of them again. What an insightful blog this is. “The White Ribbon”‘s promotional photo is black and white. Sounds like a good enough reason to back it.
Who Will Win:
“The White Ribbon”. Because I said so.

Achievement in makeup
“Il Divo”
“Star Trek”
“The Young Victoria”

Personal Pick:
Weirdest group of nominees of the night…. I’m going “Star Trek” to show my Nerd Love. Spock’s ears were amazing.
Who Will Win:
“The Young Victoria”. No one is going to allow “Star Trek” to win an Oscar.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
“Avatar” – James Horner
“Fantastic Mr. Fox” – Alexandre Desplat
“The Hurt Locker” – Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders
“Sherlock Holmes” – Hans Zimmer
“Up” – Michael Giacchino

Personal Pick:
I wasn’t blown away with the score for the “The Hurt Locker” (See what I did there?), and “Avatar”‘s score was fairly typical of a big budget sci-fi epic. I’m going out on a limb and choosing Alexandre Desplat for the “The Fantastic Mr. Fox”.
Who Will Win:
“Avatar”. Most people are suckers for the overblown theatrical sound.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
“Almost There” from “The Princess and the Frog” – Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
“Down in New Orleans” from “The Princess and the Frog” – Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
“Loin de Paname” from “Paris 36″ – Music by Reinhardt Wagner Lyric by Frank Thomas
“Take It All” from “Nine” – Music and Lyric by Maury Yeston
“The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)” from “Crazy Heart” – Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

Personal Pick:
“The Weary Kind”. I love the hard-bitten sound, and it seems like movies about musicians always do well here.
Who Will Win:
“The Weary Kind”. Because I said so. And Randy Newman doesn’t need another Oscar.

Best motion picture of the year
“Avatar”
“The Blind Side”
“District 9″
“An Education”
“The Hurt Locker”
“Inglourious Basterds”
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
“A Serious Man”
“Up”
“Up in the Air”

Personal Pick:
“The Hurt Locker”. My favourite amongst the nominees, and also the most expertly balanced film in terms of creative and technical achievements. The emotional resonance of living a soldier’s life is something that most viewers find hard to escape.
Who Will Win:
“Avatar”. Just to frustrate me. Hey, I’m no “Avatar” hater, but to me it’s like giving “Aliens” or “Terminator 2″ a Best Picture Oscar. They are great spectacles, and effortlessly rewatchable classics, but they simply don’t have the depth of films like “Unforgiven”, “Platoon” or the “The Deer Hunter”. “The Hurt Locker” is in that class.

Best animated short film
“French Roast”
“Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty”
“The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)”
“Logorama”
“A Matter of Loaf and Death”

Personal Pick:
“The Lady and the Reaper”. Because it sounds Deep for an animated film.
Who Will Win:
“A Matter of Loaf and Death”. Purely for the title. And deservedly so.

Best live action short film
“The Door”
“Instead of Abracadabra”
“Kavi”
“Miracle Fish”
“The New Tenants”

Personal Pick:
“The New Tenants”. I like the creepy premise of this film. And I don’t even know if its genre.
Who Will Win:
“The Door”. Again, just to mess with me.

Achievement in sound editing
“Avatar”
“The Hurt Locker”
“Inglourious Basterds”
“Star Trek”
“Up”

Personal Pick:
“The Hurt Locker”. Though I never really understand the difference between sound mixing and editing.
Who Will Win:
“Avatar”. It’s going to split these two with “Locker”, like children halving a Kit Kat bar. And I will pick it wrong, just you watch.

Achievement in sound mixing
“Avatar”
“The Hurt Locker”
“Inglourious Basterds”
“Star Trek”
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”

Personal Pick:
“Avatar”. Just to get it wrong.
Who Will Win:
“The Hurt Locker”. See above.

Achievement in visual effects
“Avatar” – Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones
“District 9″ – Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros and Matt Aitken
“Star Trek” – Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh and Burt Dalton

Personal Pick:
Is there really any doubt?
Who Will Win:
“Avatar”. And deservedly so. It’s opened a whole new realm of storytelling where provided you have the $, any world is possible.

Adapted screenplay
“District 9″ – Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
“An Education” – Screenplay by Nick Hornby
“In the Loop” – Screenplay by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” – Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher
“Up in the Air” – Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner

Personal Pick:
“Up In The Air”. Brilliant character development, laugh out loud dialogue and a heartfelt and moving message buried within a simple story. Gets better with every viewing.
Who Will Win:
“Up In The Air”. It’s a consolation prize for a film that would have won it all last year.
Original screenplay
“The Hurt Locker” – Written by Mark Boal
“Inglourious Basterds” – Written by Quentin Tarantino
“The Messenger” -Written by Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
“A Serious Man” – Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
“Up” – Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter
Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy

Personal Pick:
“The Hurt Locker”. Loved the subtle, realistic character development; the funny yet authentic dialogue, and the carefully established structure.
Who Will Win:
“The Hurt Locker”. Because I said so dammit!

Enjoy the show folks, will be back on Tuesday with a rundown.

Things I love most about this trailer:
1. They couldn’t find one take of the guys hitting a shot whilst playing basketball?
2. They are armed with coathangers. Coathangers people.
3. The awkward high five after the “1 million dollar” sale.
4. Natalie’s singlet.
5. Director James Nguyen is a VIsionary. I’m not sure how that is different to a visionary.
6. He’s also Master of the Romantic Thriller TM (Seriously, did he actually trademark that phrase??)
7. The acting, cinematography, and direction get progressively worse as the trailer plays. It’s like he blew 98% of the budget on the first three minutes of the film and had $1.97 to spend on the remaining eighty seven.
8. The awesome ‘Birdemic’ theme song.
9. The toy machine guns being used to dispatch the “terrifying” bird attacks.
10. The random insert of Rod filling the car with petrol. Huh?
11. That a Commodore 64 can be used for CGI. Who knew?

Have you ever wondered what director Wes Anderson (‘Rushmore’, ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’, etc.) would have done with the ‘Spiderman’ franchise? Here’s the answer.

P.S. The guy riffing on Owen Wilson from ‘Tenenbaums’ is genius.

Anyway, I’m here now, briefly, to register my predictions for tomorrow’s Superbowl XLIV, featuring the New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts. As usual, I will be hosting a party for one in my lounge room, complete with a couple of cold Millers and some tasty nachos.

I’ve mulled over my pick for the Superbowl for the last two weeks, and it’s been a real struggle to find a favourite. Everyone seems to be on board the Colts bandwagon, and I agree Peyton Manning has been almost superhuman this season. But I also think the Saints are a far better team than they showed in their pitiful performance against the Vikings, and that these two teams are more evenly matched than people are giving them credit for. So, in the spirit of cheering on the underdog, I’m taking the Saints. I think it would be amazing for the city of New Orleans and announce to the world that QB Drew Brees is in the same class as Brady and Manning.

For the Saints to win, they are going to need some big plays, and probably to play from in front the whole game. It will definitely be a shoot out, so I’m also taking the over on total points (+56.5). And I’m picking Brees for MVP.

Will Manning come out throwing rockets and make me regret the decision? More than likely. Either way, it’s sure to be a great contest. Enjoy the game if you have a chance to tune in (even if just for ‘The Who’ at halftime!)

A couple of other bets I like for the gamblers out there:

Austin Collie to score a TD ($2.10)
Drew Brees MVP ($4)
Pierre Garcon MVP ($21 – if you like the Colts)
First scoring play New Orleans TD ($3.25)

Hope to be back on the old Mojo soon with some new material. Stay tuned.

8:30: The night kicks off with Keith Urban’s live performance of “Generic Country Pop Song #24″… actually, that may just be my title for it.

8:35: Oh no…. Gyton Grantley and Kate Ritchie are hosting. I really like Gyton as an actor, but this show might ruin that. They deliver an awfully written introduction speech like giggly 6th graders working off illegible cue cards.

8:37: And the winner for Highest Selling Single… I had no idea on this but suspected Jessica Mauboy’s ‘Running Back To You’…. and that’s the winner. Wow. I’m happy for J-Mau (I am TMing this nickname) but I really hope she doesn’t take many creative awards. She is really just wannabe-Beyonce Junior.

8:38: J-Mau starts by thanking God. Jessica, God was in the tub, he wasn’t working on selling albums for you.

8:40: As much as people don’t like Channel 10, at least their ARIA show vibe is “had a few drinks, having a good time”. Not “desperately trying to convince people we are cool and hip dudes”.

8:44: Is current presenter Ruby Rose hot? I need a ruling on this.

8:46: Time for Best Urban Release. AKA Best Very Average Facsimile of American Hip Hop Award. Oh, what a surprise, Hilltop Hoods take out the award. They must have incriminating photos of ARIA voters in compromising positions with goats. Just kidding, I actually like what I’ve heard of that album.

8:49: J-Mau is up onstage to perform her poor woman’s Beyonce. Her supporting male dancers are wearing Hamburgler face masks. She ends with a horrible bum note.

8:54: Grantley and Ritchie seem way too insistent on us not tuning out. “Stick Around!” Gyton commands, and I don’t want to mess with him. I’ve seen what he can do to a piece of fried chicken in Underbelly. It’s not pretty.

8:59: Andrew G (I refuse to acknowledge his surname) and Jimmy Barnes award AC/DC with the Best Selling Album Award for ‘Black Ice’. A pointless roadie comes onstage and sets up a totally unnecessary mic stand. Huh? AC/DC are in South America apparently. Talk about anti-climax.

9:01: And AC/DC take the Best Rock Album Award. Shit. They cross to a pre-taped award acceptance speech. Jesus, AC/DC look like Dennis Ferguson’s love children. That’s what years of drug and alcohol abuse will do kids.

9:06: Hilltop Hoods perform ‘Chase That Feeling’, which as I mentioned before, I really like. But I’m pretty sure the circus performers gracing the stage with them can be filed under R for Redundant.

9:11: Rosso basically shits on the category he is awarding, Best Dance Release, with his sarcastic yet oddly unfunny intro. And the winner? The Presets, who also must have some incriminating shit to use against the voters. Or maybe they are Stonecutters. Didn’t we give them enough kudos last year??

9:13: Presenters Vanessa Amarosi and Daniel Merriweather. Ughhh. Double Ughhh. Talk about King and Queen of the Average. They are presenting Best Pop Release. And the ARIA goes to…. Empire of the Sun. Seems to be the consensus pick pre-show for who is going to win big.

A douchey Luke Steele collects the award. Acknowledges his partner in EotS, Nick Littlemore, but barely. Here’s the lowdown on their “break up”, which occurred six months ago.

I get the feeling it was an Alpha Dog conflict. There is mention in those articles about Nick wanting to tour and Luke flat out refusing. More evidence that his head is wedged wayyyyyyyyyyy up his rectum.

9:26: Dick Wilkins and Lee Kernaghan are introducing Best Country Album. Dick is upset he is not “nomilated” tonight. Easy on the red wine Dick.

Man I would love Shane Nicholson to win this category. But it’s not to be… the winner is Troy Cassar-Daley. Seems like a nice guy, but his music is broader than Broadway.

Troy boasts about his future project with Keith Urban, called ‘The Brown Streaks’. I’ve already been working on that project myself. In my toilet.

9:34: Ohhhhh man. It’s Robbie Williams time. Here comes Mr. Crazy Eyes!

I’m sorry, but I can’t stand Robbie Williams. I just don’t understand his appeal. Sure he has a competent voice, but he dances like a spaz and his songs are the very definition of generic.

He’s doing his awful single ‘Bodies’. He demands people get out of their seats. How about you write a song that actually makes people WANT to get out of their seats, not some goofy, stuttering, lyrically lame turd.

Wait a minute, what is Robbie Williams even doing at the ARIAS!!! Do we really need him? I would rather see any of the four best male or female artist perform, than this bloated, boring has-been.

Kate gets all wet when Robbie pecks her on the cheek post-song. Gyton tries to convince us this show is “going off!” RADICAL! BODACIOUS! FULLY SICK!

9:43: Guy Sebastian and Natalie Bassingthwaite are presenting a very poor joke about Robbie Williams. Actually, they are presenting Breakthrough Artist Single. My personal favourite here is Lisa Mitchell, but I know she’s a huuuuge underdog. But then Ladyhawke, another underdog comes through with ‘My Delirium’. Ignoring the whole “not Australian” thing, congratulations to Ladyhawke. That song is very cool.

9:48: Straight afterwards, the Breakthrough Artist Album. Ladyhawke is up again, against two of my other favourite female artists, Lisa Mitchell and Sia (as well as The Temper Trap and J-Mau). And the winner….. Ladyhawke again! Nice work. She’s very cute and seemingly a bit shy.

9:54: Missing Higgins… sorry, typo. Missy Higgins has an eloquent introduction for Lisa Mitchell, Kate Miller-Heidke, and the lovely and amazing Sarah Blasko.

They are all doing abridged versions of their songs. Lisa’s up first, with ‘Coin Laundry’. She’s gorgeous and quirky, just her usual self. Then we slide across to Kate Miller-Heidke, performing ‘The Last Day On Earth’. Heartfelt, intense and passionate. Finally, undoubtably Australia’s best female artist in this writer’s humble opinion, Sarah Blasko. Blasko is performing ‘All I Want’, and looks amazing with her characteristic theatrical style. A beautiful performance from all three.

But I wish we could have given them the 5 minutes we wasted on Robbie Williams to perform longer versions. And it’s a bit of a cheat that the three artists are “sharing the same stage”; more like sharing the same walkway to their individual stages.

10:03: Jabba rises from the dead to hand out the Best Adult Contemporary album award. Love the nominees in this category. Pykey, Bob Evans, Little Birdy, Paul Dempsey and… um… David Campbell?

The winner…. Josh Pyke! For Chimney’s Afire. Excellent!

Speaking of, check out his new Lighthouse DVD, especially the fan made vid special feature.

Pykey dedicates the award to Bob Evans, his “brother from another mother”. I have a few of those myself.

10:09: Tom Petrovski!

10:13: John Butler pays respect to the traditional elders. Class act. With Keith Urban he presents the Best Independent Release. Dappled Please! No Sneaky Sound System Please!

Bertie Blackman wins for ‘Secrets and Lies’. I’ve got no problem with that. But you have to check out ‘Zounds’ by Dappled Cities if you haven’t already, one of the best albums of the year.

Bertie is wearing a garbage bag tonight, which is an interesting choice. She also tries to make a metaphor about being an independent artist which somehow encompasses catching a dust storm of diamonds and broken glass and blowing them back. Interesting.

10:17: Empire of the Sun, performing ‘Walking On A Dream’. Anytime someone goes too crazy with theatrics and costumes I wonder what they are lacking under the surface. Luke Steele looks like a villain from Flash Gordon 2.

Channel 9 use some weird shutter speed, strobe effect slowdown which makes me question if I’ve had one too many vodka and iced coffees. Let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t drop acid before that one.

10:22: I can’t be bothered even typing the names of the next two presenters they are so bland. Best Male Artist goes to….. praying for Paul Dempsey…… arrrrrggggggggh!!!! Daniel Fucking Merriweather. Jesus. Dempsey is ten times the artist. Talk about bland. Cardboard is less bland than Merriweather.

10:26: Best Blues and Roots Album, presented by a trying very hard Doctor from Triple J and Marieke Hardy who is actually pretty cute. C.W. Stoneking wins! Seems cool though a little quirky guy. Like the weird dude who sat up the back in music class. Also has a little Karl Childers about him. French fry potatas!

10:31: The Temper Trap, with ‘Sweet Disposition’ live onstage. Wow these guys have grown since I saw them play support two years ago at The Metro. Very atmospheric, U2-esque rock sound.

10:32: Julian on Facebook points out that Best Newcomer Award should go to “all the winding camera pan shots on stage. Shooting it just like a footy game. Go channel nine!!!”

10:36: Time for the Best Group award, presented by the moustachioed Powderfinger boys. Empire of the Sun are this years The Presets. They take out this one. Great. More time onstage for Captain Douchebag.

10:41: Ladyhawke totally wins me over with her performance of ‘My Delirium’. Then it’s time for Mysterious Higgins to present Best Female Artist. Hoping, wishing, praying that Blasko will win… but it’s probably going to J-Mau right? I mean, the ARIAs always let me down. The winner….. BLASKO!!! Yeah baby! So well deserved. She makes a very succinct thank you speech.

10:46: Rove and Robbie Williams are presenting the final two awards of the night. Rove tries to explain to Robbie that Australian’s are actually able to speak and not just scream in his presence. I would scream if Robbie was anywhere near me too, but it would mostly be because I was running at him with a knife.

Empire of the Sun win Best Single for ‘Walking On A Dream’. Captain Douchebag says this song was like a blessing from God, a lightning strike. Any chance we could get lightning to strike you right now.

10:50: Rove makes a mouth trumpet noise and then a crack about Channel 9 not affording real fanfare. Ha! And a personality too. Now it’s time for Album of the Year….. and the winner is….

Empire of the Sun.

Wait, let me lift my jaw off the floor. What a Huuuuuuuuge Surprise.

He calls his own album a “masterwork”. No wonder Nick Littlemore bailed out on this pretentious blowhard. He tries to crack a joke with Robbie and Robbie shuts him down. Wow. When Robbie Williams thinks you are a pretentious dick….

That’s it for the show. Biggest disappointment? Dempsey missing out on Best Male Artist. Highlight of the night? Blasko getting the recognition she deserves.